Honestly, I hate dating. It’s generally pretty nerve-wracking. But, add a disability into the mix and the whole thing becomes even more challenging.
Disability aside, I am an acquired taste. I have a very dry, dark, and somewhat sarcastic sense of humour. I’m not a natural people person, and I can’t do small-talk to save my life. Yes, I’m a bit of a weirdo.
And then there’s the chair…
Many seem to assume disabled people only date those with a similar disability. I never understood that.
Personally, I’ve only ever dated able-bodied guys. This isn’t necessarily a conscious decision, though in all honesty, it does make life easier!
Dating with a physical disability like mine can be awkward, embarrassing and frustrating. There are certain things I cannot do that I REALLY wish I could. So, you need to be willing to answer questions, explain your limitations and ask for help.
I don’t think I’ve dated anyone who hasn’t asked the following:
– Can you move?
– Can you feel?
– Do you hurt?
If and when you’re hit with the 20 questions, my advice would be to try and keep it light-hearted and good-humoured. Remember that many people have no knowledge or familiarity with your disability. They are simply curious and showing an interest in YOU.
You may be reluctant to date because of your disability. Maybe you lack confidence or think that no one would want you. Trust me, that’s bullshit!
Yes, you might make an arse of yourself and roll home feeling like a bag of shit. I know I have. But hey, if a date goes badly, you never have to see them again!
Bad experiences will knock your confidence. But you’ve just got to dust yourself off and try again.
One guy once told me that I’m no one’s type (referring to my disability). What a lovely chappy! Well, he kissed like some kinda mutant slug! So, no great loss there. Cheerio, bye-bye…
This seems to be the go-to method these days. It works for many, but I’m not a dating app type at all. I can tell you now, you’ll never see my face on Tinder or PoF. And if you do, it ain’t me!
The only app I ever used – reluctantly – is Hinge (dubbed “Cringe”), recommended by a good friend.
Much to my surprise, it made quite an impact on me and effectively changed my whole perspective on love…
For a long while, I was referred to, by some, as “the ice queen”. I had my guard up and always kept people at arms length, due to low self-esteem and a fear of judgement and rejection.
I was totally cynical about love and never showed any interest in marriage – I wasn’t the little girl who fantasised about a big white wedding.
Despite a few dates, I wasn’t taking Hinge seriously and never thought I’d meet anyone or fall in love. That just wasn’t me. Then, most unexpectedly, I did.
Quite early on, my mum said she could see me falling for this guy. She told me if it didn’t work out, it would break my heart.
“Nah, we’re just keeping it casual and having fun. Nothing and no one will break my heart”.
Or so I thought. But damn it, mama was right. I really did fall for him. I fell hard and fast (not on the floor, although that has happened)! And my heart really did break when it ended.
But that’s life. Shit happens. You live and learn.
The point is, you have to be willing to take risks, open up, allow yourself to trust, and yes, to get hurt.
It sounds cliché, but it’s essential you realise your worth. Never allow anyone or anything to make you feel you are not good enough or undeserving of love and affection!
And, if anyone does make you doubt your worth, well, fuck ’em! (Not literally).