Ableds Are Weird!?

The recent trending Twitter hashtag #AbledsAreWeird, created by disability activist Crutches&Spice, has got me thinking about my own encounters and interactions with able-bodied society.

Uncomfortable? Awkward? Frustrating? Yup!

Here are some examples of my experiences as a non-ambulatory wheelchair-user (with Ullrich Congenital Muscular Dystrophy). I’m sure they are not unique to me!

Let me know if you can relate to any of the following scenarios…


Accessibility

Stranger: There’s only a few steps.
Me: I can’t walk, hence the chair.
Stranger: They’re only small steps.
Me: Nope, still can’t walk I’m afraid.
Stranger: Oh, not even with assistance?
Me: Not even with assistance.
Stranger: Not even a little bit?
Me: Not even a little bit.
Stranger: Not at all?
Me: Not at all.

Awkward, deafening silence…

Stranger: There are steps but we can just lift you (in a powered wheelchair).
Me: Thanks but this chair is really heavy. There’s no way you’ll lift it.

Stranger then attempts to lift me in my wheelchair, only to complain of the weight.

Stuck in a long queue of fit, young able-bods who look me up and down (in my wheelchair) but still choose to wait for the one and only lift/elevator rather than take the stairs, which would be much quicker!

A young driver in flashy sports car races into a blue badge bay and gets out without displaying a badge.
Me: Excuse me, have you got a blue badge?
Driver: No! Have YOU?!
Me: YEP! (waving my blue badge at the driver while sat in my Motability WAV).

Being unable to access public disabled toilets because they’re being used for storage!

Entering a public disabled toilet after a mother and baby have just used it. It absolutely stinks and there are used nappies on the floor!

Online Dating

Guy: okay, can I be honest?
Me: yes.
Guy: let’s be real, you’re no one’s type. Are you!
Me: erm, thanks!

Me: I can’t walk. I have something called muscular dystrophy.
Guy: oh. Right. Okay…
Me: yup…
Guy: so is that something you could change if you work on your fitness?
Me: no. Afraid not.
Guy: not even if you try really hard and actually make an effort?

Me: I’m a wheelchair-user.
Guy: oh right, what’s wrong with you? You self-propel, yeah?
Me: no I can’t do that, and there’s nothing wrong with me.
Guy: but I’ve seen some really fit girls in wheelchairs. They play basketball and all sorts!
Me: yeah, that’s never gonna be me. Sorry.

Me: I’m a wheelchair-user. I can’t walk at all.
Guy: oh, okay. What happened?
Me: nothing happened. I have something called muscular dystrophy.
Guy: I just Googled it. Wow that really is a disease isn’t it!!
Me: fear not, it isn’t contagious.

Guy: oh, so you can’t walk at all?
Me: yeah that’s right, I have muscular dystrophy so I can’t weight-bear. I use a powered wheelchair.
Guy: okay….
Me: it’s fine if you want to ask questions.
Guy: so…you don’t have sex then??
Me: why’s that?
Guy: well, I’m guessing you can’t feel anything…you know.

Woman: aww, I’m sure you’ll find a nice guy in a wheelchair to date!
Me: or just a nice guy!?

Social Worker Review

Assessor: are you able to make your own decisions?
Me: yes.
Assessor: always?
Me: yes.
Assessor: (with a sceptical expression) but…if you needed advice when making a decision, who would you ask?
Me: myself!?

Socialising

Stranger, whilst leaning over, “It’s good to see you getting out and about”

At a restaurant with a group of friends, all of whom are able-bodied. Waiter comes to our table, looks at me in my wheelchair, and starts rambling about a friend of his who lives near a Paralympian. None of us know quite how to respond.

At the pub with a friend who goes to the bar to get us drinks. When she returns, she says a guy at the bar who she knows told her he didn’t realise she’s now a carer. She had to stop and think for a moment and then replied, “I’m not her carer. I’m her friend! We’ve known each other almost 20 years!”
The guy looked absolutely dumbfounded.

Driving & Mobility

“Wow, you learned to drive? Is that safe? Did you have a special instructor and a special test?”

“Your wheelchair’s a bit battered. Looks like you could do with a new one! I suppose you just call and get a replacement through the NHS?”

“Do you have to have training and a test to drive that thing? [my powered wheelchair]”

“They [wheelchairs] cost HOW MUCH?! Why are they so expensive? Can’t you just save up?”

University

“Oh, you went to university? Good for you! It’s something for you to do, isn’t it. How did you manage though?”


You may also like Life as a Wheelchair-user | Societal Preconceptions

Wheeling Through Life | A Brief History

Highlighting the Ability in DisAbility

Wench Wars | Disney Villains

1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a WENCH WAR!!

Daily, we’re bombarded with news stories of sadness, badness and madness. Sometimes, you just need a little escapism and light relief to raise a smile. What better way than a Disney villains showdown with the cleverest of clever little wenches, Miss Lucy-Lu Hudson!

I’m already battling it out with fellow MD’er, Mitch (twodoughnuts) in a series of ‘Top 5’ blog posts. So far, we’ve debated our favourite songs and actors. I apologise in advance for Mr twodoughnuts ~ he’s so very young and uncultured!

Mitch’s Top 5 Songs (bleurgh!)

My Top 5 Songs (yay!)

Mitch’s Top 5 Actors (meh)

My Top 5 Actors (fine choices, indeed!)


So, my wise wench of a friend, Lucy, kicked things off with her pick of the Top 5 Disney villains (damn, she’s good!)

Here, I attempt to take her down with my comeback (well, it is a wench war!) Though, I freely admit, I think she’s got this first round in the bag. Let us know what you think…!

Top 5 Disney Villains

1. Chernabog, Fantasia (1940)

This is without doubt the darkest and most menacing sequence in Disney history. I was only three or four when I first saw Fantasia. I swear, even at that age I thought it was one hell of a trippy film!

The demonic Chernabog (funky name, right?), based on Slavic folklore, is God of the Night. He is the representation of pure evil, with fearsome wings that form the peak of Bald Mountain, which leers ominously over the village below.

As night descends, the delighful Mr Chernabog unleashes hellish realms and summons sinful spirits to watch them dance maniacally. He then throws them into the mountain’s fiery pit before a new day dawns. Well, that’s not nice at all is it!

I’m flipping glad I don’t live in that village!

How is this a kids film, seriously?!

2. Claude Frollo, The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)

I was eight when this was released. To this day, it’s one of my Mum’s favourite Disney films. But call me crazy, I think it’s all a bit much for kids of that age, with hard-hitting, mature themes including religion, sin, lust and genocide!

(Sorry folks, there are no happy-clappy, ‘bibbidi bobbidi boo’ moments in The Hunchback of Notre Dame!)

From Disney’s ‘Cinderella’

I’ll be honest, it still freaks me out. Not least because of the lack of magical element so typical of animated Disney features. Okay, so there are talking gargoyles, but hey, they needed something to lighten the mood a little!

Frollo, Paris’ Minister of Justice (oh, the irony), is the first Disney villain to attempt infanticide, having almost drowned a newborn, only to be stopped by the archdeacon who accuses the corrupt official of murdering the baby’s innocent gypsy mother. To atone for his sin, Frollo begrudgingly agrees to raise the child as his own. He cruelly names the baby Quasimodo, meaning ‘half-formed’. (Dave would have been a better choice, surely?!)

The manipulative Frollo hides Quasi away in the bell tower, excluding him from society, telling him he will never be accepted by the world due to his unusual physical appearance. What an ass!

Unlike other Disney Villians – often magical and mythical – Frollo the super-creep is so threatening and unnerving because he is such a realistic representation. He is, after all, just a man. A pervy old man (oi, Esmeralda, be mine or you can burn!) fuelled by power, skewed religious motives and a licentious desire for busty babe Esmeralda.

3. Evil Queen, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)

She’s the original diva bitch, driven by vanity, and all credit to her, she’s got one hell of a pout going on!

I can’t help but be on the side of the Evil Queen who so easily outwits squeaky-voiced, simple Snowy (never trust a girl who shares a house with seven old men. Methinks she’s not quite as pure as snow!).

Yes, she’s gone to all the effort of transforming into a horrifyingly wretched old wench. But y’know, needs must!

If THAT poked it’s head through your front window and tried to tempt you with a juicy red apple, would you willingly take a bite? Or would you tell the interfering, hook-nosed, eye-bulging wrinkly to buggar off?!

I rest my case. Snowy, it’s your own bloody fault, love!

4. Professor Ratigan, Basil the Great Mouse Detective (1986)

Arch-nemesis to the famous mouse detective Basil of Baker Street, crimimal mastermind Ratigan is a comically ruthless brute. For one thing, he is voiced by horror legend Vincent Price (Michael Jackson’s Thriller, anyone?!).

A status-obsessed professional crime lord, his ultimate ambition is to overthrow the mousey monarch and proclaim himself “supreme ruler of all MOUSEDOM”. Aim high, I say! 

Unflinchingly wicked, conniving and with no morals, it is revealed in his singy-songy dance number that he previously drowned widows and orphans. What a pleasant chappy! 

Ratigan declares himself to be a “superior mind”, yet is angered when called a rat by intoxicated minion Bartholemew, despite the fact he is indeed a rat. The clue’s in the name, dude! 

His extravagantly ostentatious appearance conceals an intimidatingly feral visciousness. Though generally maliciously cheerful, calm and composed, his manacingly savage violence is unleashed in a shocking final showdown with heroic Basil.

5. Mad Madam Mim, The Sword in the Stone (1963)

“I find delight in the gruesome and grim
‘Cause I’m the magnificent, marvelous
Mad Madam Mim” ~ A bit morbid there, love!

The eccentric, shape-shifting Mim is a proper tricksy wench witch, and rival to the legendary wizard Merlin. We’re introduced to the purple-haired hag when young Arthur, in the form of a bird, mistakenly flies into her not-so-classy abode. Having declared his alliance to the all-powerful Merlin, Mad Madam Mim attempts to “destroy” the boy. Seems fairly reasonable to me!

For all her arrogance and mischievousness, I can’t help but root for the haggered old biddy. I mean, for one thing, she has purple hair! (I remember, as a young kid, being fascinated with an elderly neighbour who had a purple rinse. Super cool!)

The villainous Mim is LOUD, bat-shit crazy and pessimistic yet playful. A ditzy and deceitful game-player, she repeatedly cackles, “I win, I win” – as do I when defeating Mr twodoughnuts at ‘Blog Wars‘.


Thanks for reading!

Guest Post | Hypothermia Prevention

Today I bring you another guest post from Michael Leavy, Managing Director of Home Healthcare Adaptations, a family-run company that specialises in adapting homes for the elderly and less abled.

Michael kindly provided a previous guest post, (How Seniors Can Feel More Secure At Home), which you can view here.

Infographic | How to prevent hypothermia in older people

The risk of hypothermia is at its highest during the winter months. That risk is even greater for elderly people, as their lower metabolic rate makes it harder for their bodies to retain an ideal temperature. Also, they might not detect extreme cold as readily as others, and could have chronic medical conditions which would exacerbate the onset of hypothermia.

If you see signs of hypothermia in an elderly relative, keep them as warm as possible. If the situation seems serious, call NHS 111 for expert advice and guidance.


The infographic below from Home Healthcare Adaptations explains what to do if you think someone is experiencing hypothermia, along with preventative measures they can take to reduce the likelihood of hypothermia.

The harsh winter months affect a high population of the UK with a spate of Flu and other seasonal illnesses. But for the elderly and immobile, freezing conditions can lead to far more serious conditions requiring hospitalisation.

Elderly people are generally at greater risk of hypothermia than most others for several reasons. Their lower metabolic rate makes it harder for their bodies to regulate temperature in cold weather, while the presence of chronic health conditions reduces their immunity to hypothermia. Also, a deterioration in the senses could make it more difficult for an elderly person to detect decreases in temperature, hence they might not take immediate preventative action.

If you have elderly/immobile relatives or neighbours, check in on them throughout the colder months to ensure they aren’t showing any warning signs of hypothermia.

Symptoms of hypothermia include:

  • A rapid deterioration in physical appearance.
  • Extreme shivering or an occurrence of sudden, inexplicable body movements.

If you notice any of these in an elderly person during cold weather, call 999 straight away and, while waiting for the emergency services to arrive, move them to a warm place and wrap them in a warm blanket or coat.

Don’t put them in a warm bath or give them an alcoholic or caffeinated beverage!

Valentine’s Special: Part 2

Dating & Disability ~ Q&A

Four men with different forms of muscular dystrophy answer questions on body confidence, dating, sex and relationships…

*Names have been changed

1. Do you identify as a sexual being?

Dave, 38, Duchenne MD: “I absolutely identify as a sexual being. I actually have a very high sex drive and it’s an important driver in my life.”

Brian, 51, SMA: “Absolutely. I’ve always had what would be considered relatively high sex drive.”

Tom, 27, Unspecified Neuromuscular: “I wouldn’t describe myself as asexual, but I’m not a sexual being either really. The more my condition has progressed, the less sexual I’ve felt. Procedures like catheterisation and serious illnesses have made me feel like I’m not at home in my skin.”

Steve, 28, Duchenne MD: “I believe I’m a very sexual person because I get the cravings and intense visual thoughts that consume my mind.”

2. How does your body confidence (or lack of) affect your sex life?

Dave, 38, Duchenne MD: “My body confidence is quite good. I am aware of my limitations and the ways in which I don’t conform to the normal stereotype, but it doesn’t really bother me and I don’t think it restricts my sex life. Attraction is a very strange thing and you never know what others will find attractive. I’m sure some people will be turned off by my body, but equally someone will be turned on by certain aspects.”

Brian, 51, SMA: “It affected me more when I was younger. In fact, I remember one of the very first moments I realised I was different. On a family holiday whilst in my early teens, I was getting changed in the hotel room before going out for dinner. I saw my profile in the bedroom mirror and realised my body was not ‘typical’ – the scoliosis of my back and the thinness of my legs. This led to a lot of problems with body confidence, which I covered up with layers of fashion. It probably led to overcompensation with cultivating a colourful personality.”

Tom, 27, Unspecified Neuromuscular: “My body, especially naked, looks ‘weird’, which makes me self-conscious. I then feel less comfortable having sex because I’m aware of this. I prefer to be the clothed partner in general, because I fear losing control. I worry about things like unexpected bodily fluids. This makes me unable to relax and enjoy having sex.”

Steve, 28, Duchenne MD: “My body confidence doesn’t have anything to do with my sex life but I’m not confident about my body whatsoever.”

3. Have you tried online dating? What are your biggest concerns/challenges when it comes to dating? Do you disclose your disability?

Dave, 38, Duchenne MD: “I have tried online dating on and off, with a little success but mostly rejection. Every so often I would go through a period of giving up on ever finding anyone, but now I’m in a relationship. I’ve always been very upfront and open about my disability from the very beginning. It’s either going to be a problem for people or it isn’t. I don’t see the point of waiting to find out. Yes, that means I’ve had less interest, but at least I know when the interest is there it’s genuine and not going to disappear.”

Brian, 51, SMA: “I’ve dated using online methods and people I’ve met spontaneously. Being a heterosexual man, I don’t really have a type as such. I am interested in creative, intelligent and funny people. I am on my 2nd marriage and we’ve been together for 12 years. When I was younger, dating always felt more like a job interview than an enjoyable experience. I’ve been stood up, ignored and even worse. It was when I decided to change my attitude towards dating that I began to have more success. I tried to see it as a night out and an opportunity to get to know an interesting person with no expectations.”

Tom, 27, Unspecified Neuromuscular: “My wheelchair is a bit of a giveaway! I do have the conversation with potential partners about the ways illness affects me. I’ve tried online dating apps without much success. I’ve had the best luck with finding people online, becoming friends and then dating them. I worry that people would see me and think I’m not a long-term option because of my disability.”

Steve, 28, Duchenne MD: “My dating experiences have been heartbreaking and abusive. All the women I’ve dated in the past have taken advantage and cheated on me, all from meeting online. Dating online is horrible in my opinion because of the bad experiences that I’ve had.”

4. What frustrates you most about dating?

Dave, 38, Duchenne MD: “Having to take a leap of faith and share aspects of your life that are complicated, with someone that you barely know. It’s a big issue building trust with someone and I hate having to start from the beginning and get them used to what my life is like. With a disability like mine you can’t introduce it gradually. It’s a permanent feature of my life from day one. I also don’t like having to negotiate how to manage with carers when on a date, I usually have to discuss this with the person in advance. It’s a lot to deal with at an early stage.”

Brian, 51, SMA: “I hated the Darwinian nature of dating. A lot of potential dates would say one thing but then date a guy who was 6 foot 2 with an IQ of a house brick. Dating when you are disabled takes stubborn, single-minded determination and the motivation to press on is not always easy to find.”

Tom, 27, Unspecified Neuromuscular: “People play games. If you’re not interested in me because I’m disabled that’s fine – I’m tough enough to hear that – but I find it hard when people equivocate.”

Steve, 28, Duchenne MD: “A lot of women are not genuine, sincere, or empathetic. They have ulterior motives that make them selfish and heartless. Most of them don’t have any morality.”

5. What do you look for in a potential partner? Do you actively seek an able-bodied/disabled partner/someone with a similar disability to your own?

Dave, 38, Duchenne MD: “I do place some importance on looks – I have to feel physically attracted to them, and it is important to me that we can have sex. Because of my own limitations, that means the other person needs to be ‘able’ enough to compensate (recognising that I wont know whether they are until I ask someone). I do appreciate the irony of the discrimination, but this is purely a practical consideration! Beyond that, it’s all about personality. They have to be relaxed about the complexities of life, fun, and intelligent.”

Brian, 51, SMA: “I’ve dated both disabled and able-bodied women, and I’m sad to say I have faced as much prejudice from the disabled women as the able-bodied. I seem to be largely attracted to independent, strong, creative women with a sense of humour that matches my own. Body type is almost irrelevant.”

Tom, 27, Unspecified Neuromuscular: “I don’t actively seek out disabled or abled partners. The advantage of a disabled partner is them understanding where I’m coming from and us connecting on a level where we share these experiences. The advantage of a non-disabled partner would be their potential ability to help with hoisting me, which would enable us to do a lot more together than if we were reliant on PAs (personal assistants/carers).”

Steve, 28, Duchenne MD: “I don’t really have a preference. I look for women who are positive, upbeat and have similar interests to me. Whether they are physically disabled or not doesn’t matter to me.”

6. What were/are your biggest concerns prior to losing your virginity?

Dave, 38, Duchenne MD: “My biggest concern was doing it ‘right’ and not being embarrassed.”

Brian, 51, SMA: “My concerns before losing my virginity were always physically based. I was concerned that my shortening ligaments would mean I wouldn’t be able to physically have sex. I was concerned about the emotional effect on an able-bodied partner being with someone with a shortened lifespan.”

Tom, 27, Unspecified Neuromuscular: “Pregnancy, I guess. Disability didn’t really play into it much back then, but I was still ambulant at the time. I was using crutches and needed some support, but was a lot less reliant on a partner adapting the sex to my abilities.”

Steve, 28, Duchenne MD: “I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to satisfy her and would therefore be a disappointment.”

7. Do you think your first sexual experience was more challenging/awkward purely because of your disability?

Dave, 38, Duchenne MD: “No, I think it was awkward because it was my first time and I was a teenager. I think it helps that I was with someone else with a disability, and my own limitations were not as great back then.”

Brian, 51, SMA: “My first sexual experience was with a girl who had the condition Friedreich ataxia. Therefore neither my disability or hers was of much concern from a self-confidence point of view. It was more the logistics of finding a position that worked. There were a couple of occasions where she almost ended up stuck on the floor, naked with her legs straight up in the air after to try to transfer from her chair onto my bed by herself!”

Tom, 27, Unspecified Neuromuscular: “Not really, but my condition was far less progressed then.”

Steve, 28, Duchenne MD: “I was worried about my physical limitations and that made me more nervous than I probably would have been ordinarily. It was all over very quickly. I did not have fun. She called me prick and left, never to be seen again. So I don’t think she had fun either.”

8. What are the most common misconceptions you have faced?

Dave, 38, Duchenne MD: “I don’t really encounter many because I include in my profile that everything works in that department. It’s a bit disappointing to feel I have to do that. Sometimes people ask what I can do and I tend to answer quite frankly. I don’t really leave much room for assumptions.

One issue discussed in the disability community is that of devotees. I’ve had a mixed experience. Some are only interested in getting themselves off and see the disability as a fetish. But other devotees are simply attracted to you as a disabled person, in the same way that someone might be attracted to tall people. The important thing for me is to recognise that different people are attracted to different things. It is only a problem when that attraction is the only thing that interests someone about you, or becomes an obsession. My suggestion is to be careful but open-minded, in order to open up new and amazing experiences.”

Brian, 51, SMA: “The most common misconception would be amongst able-bodied women not realising I’m a sexual animal. They would then be shocked when I started flirting outrageously with them.”

Tom, 27, Unspecified Neuromuscular: “People assume that I’m willing to be their ‘try it and see’, or that I don’t have needs, preferences, or desires in bed because (from their perspective) I’m so desperate, I’d take whatever I can get. Alternatively, it just doesn’t cross their minds that no matter how hard I flirt, they fail to realise I’m hinting at us getting together.”

Steve, 28, Duchenne MD: “People have asked if I’m able to get an erection. I think many believe disabled people are asexual and incapable of having any sexual desire. But in reality that desire for me is extremely intense. Sometimes uncontrollable.”

9. When having sex, how do you overcome the physical limitations associated with your disability?

Dave, 38, Duchenne MD: “Largely by depending on my partner to do a lot of the movement, and to assist in moving me into the position that works for us. We have had to experiment with different positions that maximise the amount of mobility I have, and try different toys to make things a bit interesting. I use a mouthpiece ventilator so I can still kiss my partner.”

Brian, 51, SMA: “Imagination, open-mindedness and being as sexually generous as I can. Occasionally, technology helps with the periodic introduction of a sex toy.”

Tom, 27, Unspecified Neuromuscular: “I tend to remain clothed, be the active partner, and do things for the person I’m having sex with. I don’t feel comfortable expressing my own needs, desires, or preferences at all. My limitations are more psychological. In terms of paralysis and joint instability, we use a LOT of pillows jammed round me to support me in the right place, then I stay still, and my partner moves around me.”

Steve, 28, Duchenne MD: “Trial and error mostly. Where there’s a will, there’s a way! It’s fun to experiment with toys and household items too.”

10. In terms of sexual intercourse, what can’t you do that you wish you could?

Dave, 38, Duchenne MD: “There is quite a bit I cannot do that I would like to, such as being able to touch my partner without having to be moved in a specific way. I’ve managed to try everything although there are certain things like anal sex that we are yet to find a good position for. We are still working on that one!”

Brian, 51, SMA: “In terms of intercourse, I wish more positions were available to me as variety is the spice of life after all. The use of my hoist helps greatly and opens up positions I otherwise wouldn’t be able to reach.”

Tom, 27, Unspecified Neuromuscular: “I wish I could have easy sex, without loads of explanation and preparation – that would allow me to have a far more normal and enjoyable sex life.”

Steve, 28, Duchenne MD: “I wish I could do the ’69’ position – that looks fun! And penetrate her when she’s in a doggy style position. I’m only missing out a little bit though.”

11. What advice would you offer to other disabled people who are sexually inexperienced?

Dave, 38, Duchenne MD: “It’s really about finding out what you can do and building trust and communication with your partner. Experiment with everything and don’t let things go stale. Keep trying new things, new methods and techniques.”

Brian, 51, SMA: “Decide what you want, don’t put too much pressure on yourself, be stubborn and tenacious. Cast your net wide and use the assets you feel you do have such as compassion intelligence humour.”

Tom, 27, Unspecified Neuromuscular: “Get to know your body first. Learn to pleasure yourself, learn what you like and how you like it. Experiment with toys if you can – they can often substitute for grip and reach. The better you know your body the more likely you are to get what you want out of sex.”

Steve, 28, Duchenne MD: “Don’t get your hopes up! sex is over-hyped. To be honest, I prefer to play video games.”

13. Are there any particularly funny sexual episodes you’d like to share?

Dave, 38, Duchenne MD: “There have been a couple of times a PA (personal assistant/carer) has walked in at a terribly unfortunate moment when I am with a partner. I think sometimes they are just a little naive as to what we might be doing and knock and enter rather than knocking and waiting.”

Brian, 51, SMA: “I once had a nasty experience when my college girlfriend tried a new shade of permanent lipstick, ‘guaranteed to stay put all night’. Whilst dressing me, the morning care staff thought I had developed a nasty rash and called in the medical staff. Everyone stood around me deciding what was to be done about this nasty deep red rash on my penis. The college nurse produced some cortisone cream and when applied, she realised the mark was merely lipstick. This would have been embarrassing with one person in the room let alone three!”

Tom, 27, Unspecified Neuromuscular: “Nope!”

Steve, 28, Duchenne MD: “I know ’69’ is off limits for me because I tried it once. I can’t move around by myself when lay on a bed. So I was flat on my back and she sat on my face and almost suffocated me! All I could do was flap my hands around like a dolphin. She thought I was loving it and so just carried on.”


Click here for the GIRLS!

International Women’s Day

8 March 2019 ~ IWD

To celebrate #InternationalWomensDay, here are some motivational words of wisdom from just a few of the many inspiring women throughout history. These women advocate equality, inclusion and disability awareness.

Above: Deaf-blind American author and political activist, Helen Keller (1880 – 1968).

Above: Rosa May Billinghurst (1875 – 1953), was a women’s rights activist known as the “cripple suffragette”. She suffered polio as a child and as a result was left unable to walk.


What #IWD means to me

Light is often shone on independant career women and high-profile personalities: celebrities, public speakers and so-called ‘world changers’. Of course, these women deserve our respect and applause. But I’d like to also draw attention to the every-woman.

The women we are not aware of. The women behind the scenes who just get on with life. The single mum’s. Those living with debilitating conditions who struggle to get out of bed each morning. Those caring for multiple family members, who don’t have the option to go on holiday or pursue a career. Women who are relied upon by disabled children and elderly relatives, and have no support or recognition.

Many suffer and struggle in silence. They simply get on with their lives without any fuss or complaint. These women deserve to be celebrated too! They play a vital role in society – one that takes endurance, tanacity, strength of character and sheer grit. It takes a special kind of person to achieve this.

So remember, you don’t need to change the world to deserve recognition. Being loved unconditionally, appreciated and making a difference to just one person is EVERYTHING.

What does International Women’s Day mean to you?

Top 5 Actors

A while back, I was invited by a strange young chappy named Mitch (twodoughnuts) to write a guest blog. The fool even gave me full access to his blog, including his password!

I was told I could write anything, as long as I didn’t “take the piss”.

Would I?! (Well, yes I seriously considered it for a moment).

Therein started what has been dubbed, by Mitch, ‘Blog Wars’.

I’m a bit of a music freak, and so I chose to list my ‘Top 5 Tunes’. Admittedly, some were thrown in there just to annoy Mr Twodoughnuts.

Let battle commence!

Mitch then tried (and failed) to win round #1 with his ‘Top 5 Tunes’ – poor attempt, man!

Now the war continues, as we present our ‘Top 5 Actors’. You can check out Mitch’s picks here.

Though it grieves me to say it, he’s set a pretty high standard on this one. It appears the boy has some taste after all.


1. Tom Hanks

‘Forrest Gump‘! Need I say more? I’ve seen it countless times but it still gets me. With universal appeal and timeless endurance, it’ll make you laugh, cry and wish you had a mate like good ol’ Forrest. Unless you’re Ross (A Life on Wheels) – Another strange boy who is not a fan of this frequently quoted classic. Sort it out Ross!

“Mama always said, life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” ~ Aint that the truth!

Double Oscar winner Hanks has a lifetime of much-loved films under his belt including, ‘The Green Mile‘ (if you haven’t seen it, check it out), ‘Philadelphia‘, ‘Cast Away‘, ‘Saving Private Ryan‘ (surely the best war film ever made?!), ‘Apollo 13‘, ‘A League of Their Own‘, ‘Toy Story‘, and ‘Big‘ (remember that famous piano scene?)

How can you not love the guy?!

2. Robin Williams

The LEGEND! A comedy genius, Robin Williams proved his worth as a serious actor as well as the go-to funny guy, with an insanely quick wit and animated energy to boot. This versatile entertainer lit up my childhood in cherished films like ‘Aladdin‘, ‘Jumanji‘, ‘Hook‘ and ‘Mrs Doubtfire‘ – a role no one else could or should ever play. Pray they never try to remake it!

A true scene stealer, Williams had the rare ability to improvise like no other and appeal to any audience of any age.

His dramatic performances in ‘Dead Poets Society’, ‘Patch Adams’, ‘Good Morning, Vietnam’ and ‘Good Will Hunting’ (for which he deservedly won an Oscar – bloody great film!), mark him as an undeniable talent.

3. Matthew McConaughey

Okay, so the dude made some questionable choices throughout the early 2000s, and was somewhat typecast in crappy romantic comedies. But he’s certainly made up for it since, preferring more complex and intense roles such as protagonist ‘Killer Joe’ and troubled homicide detective Rust Cohle in the debut series of ‘True Detective’. If you’re into dark and disturbing, give these two a watch.

He then went on to play a supporting role in Scorsese’s ‘The Wolf of Wall Street’, in which he arguably stole the show from the lovely Leo with that whacky chest thumping scene.

In 2013, the charismatic Texan babe dropped 47lb (21kg) to star as defiant Aids patient Ron Woodroof in the biopic ‘Dallas Buyers Club’. For his brilliantly impressive portrayal, McConaughey won every award going as well as audience and critical acclaim.

4. Joaquin Phoenix

Have you seen ‘Walk the Line’? If not, why not? Even if you know nothing about Country music legend Johnny Cash (shame, shame) it’s essential viewing if only for Joaquin’s dedicated, hard-knock cool performance.

Some might say method actor Phoenix is an acquired taste, having made some unconventional career choices. But you could never accuse the guy of being boring. He delves deep to create memorable, multi-layered, engaging and often quirky characters.

As Roman emperor Commodus in the epic ‘Gladiator’, Joaquin isn’t just the bad guy to Aussie Crowe’s hero. He’s vulnerable, damaged, desperate and played with sinister subtlety. Few actors his age could have pulled this off so convincingly.

Dark, brooding, intense and yes, a bit weird. I approve.

5. Morgan Freeman

So, Barack Obama was the first black President of the USA, right? NOPE! It was Morgan Freeman who helped save the planet from being struck by a comet in ‘Deep Impact‘. Now that’s impressive!

He’s the super cool, laid-back veteran icon with a mellifluous and universally recognisable voice. The kind of dude you wouldn’t mess with, even in his latter years, and especially if you’ve seen his award-winning turn in ‘Million Dollar Baby‘, in which he whoops some ass.

For me though, Freeman will always be synonymous with ‘The Shawshank Redemption‘. Tim Robbins took the lead, but that film belongs to Morgan. It’s an effortless and understated performance. If you haven’t seen this film, where have you been? Do you live in a cave?!

So that’s my Top 5 ~ who would be on your list?

Most importantly, who do you think wins this round – me or Mitch?? 

Leave a comment & let us know!