Christmas 2017 | Plans, Decorations & Films…

Christmas Day is now just over two weeks away! How did that happen? This year has gone so fast. I know we all say that every year, but really.

The biggest event of 2017 for me and my family, is the addition of my new baby nephew, who arrived at the end of August. We are a small family – neither of my parents have siblings, and so my brother’s and I have no aunts, uncles or cousins. So, for us a new baby – the first grandchild for my parents – is a big deal!

2017 also marks my first full year as a disability blogger. I have acquired a respectable following on social media (respectable according to my expectations, anyway!) and I hope to reach an even wider audience throughout 2018.

Plans for Christmas

Every year, our small family congregate at my parents house where my Mom cooks the traditional turkey roast. My Nan, who has just turned 91, insists on watching the Queen’s speech and so we all gather around the dining room table after that lovely treat.

As kids, we would open all our presents upon first waking. But now we usually wait until after dinner to open them all together. It’s something to look forward to on Christmas afternoon… apparently!

Every year we have a real Christmas tree – my Mom insists. Having never had an artificial one, I can’t really compare. But I must admit, it is much more traditional and exciting to have a real tree, with the natural scent of pine, the imperfect shape and shedding needles all over the floor. Some people complain about the effort and the mess they make. But to me, that’s all part of the charm and the count-down to Christmas.

Decorations

Here is our real tree, decorated by my folks and I (a team effort), with plenty of colour, lights and an Angel on top!

I also made a wreath to adorn our front door – get me and my creative skills!

   

What do you think of my finished wreath? I hope it’s a pass – I burnt half my fingers off with that bloody glue gun!

Film Recommendations

There are so many great Christmas films to get you in the festive mood (there are also some pretty shocking ones out there too). But where do you start? Some people want comedy, others have kids to consider and therefore need a family friendly option. Some want tradition and then there are those who would like to see something more meaningful and dramatic.

A few of my favourites include Home Alone (1990), The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992), Elf (2003), and The Family Stone (2005).

I’ve tried to cater for everyone here, although obviously we all have our own go-to Christmas movies. For those of you who haven’t seen any of my recommendations, maybe start with Elf which is a charming and cleverly witty family film about Buddy, an elf played by the irrepressible Will Ferrell. A good choice to keep the kids entertained now that school has ended, this non-stop comedy is both sweet and slapstick at times. I’m 29 and I still love this one!

My next choice is another hugely popular family friendly festive film about a young boy mistakenly left home alone when his family fly to Paris for the holidays. Macaulay Culkin was at his prime here, offering a highly entertaining and endearing performance that more than matched his established co-stars (Catherine O’Hara, John Heard and Goodfellas Joe Pesci). With plenty of comedy, capers and action, Home Alone will excite and enchant both young and old.

Who hasn’t seen A Muppet Christmas Carol, seriously? What is there to say about this one. Charles Dickens classic story is invigorated and enhanced by the Muppets unique blend of humour and musicality. With the addition of England’s very own Michael Caine who is perfectly cast as Ebenezer Scrooge, this is a must see come Christmas Eve.

My final suggestion is less well known though possibly my personal favourite of the four mentioned. The Family Stone is a heartfelt comedy-drama about a modern-day ecclectic American family who reunite for the festive period. One for the grown ups, Id advise settling down with a glass of wine to watch this one before bed. I’m not overly sentimental but admittedly this movie always makes me shed a few tears. But don’t be put off, there’s also plenty of laugh out loud moments throughout. The ‘Christmas message’ is, in my opinion, subtly yet effectively delivered. Frankly I could watch this at any time of year since it’s simply a good drama about the trials and tribulations of family life.


Well, that’s it for my Christmas round-up. I hope you enjoyed reading this post. If so, please give it a share!

Here’s hoping you all have a happy and healthy Christmas

Interview | Amin Lakhani: The Dating Coach on Wheels

Are you lacking in confidence and social skills? Do you suffer from low self-esteem, struggle to form meaningful relationships or find dating too nerve-wracking a prospect?

Well, if you haven’t already heard of him, allow me to introduce Amin Lakhani, the Dating Coach on Wheels. With hints, tips, and tailor-made “no bullshit” advice, he could be just the answer you’ve been searching for.

Amin, from Bellevue, Washington, has a progressive form of Muscular Dystrophy called Charcot Marie Tooth Syndrome, which presents in overall weakness, particularly the hands and legs. Now 29 years old, he has been a wheelchair user since the age of 15.

He excelled academically, achieving two Ivy League University degrees within four years, progressing onto a successful career at Microsoft. Nevertheless, the Self-confessed “nerd with poor social skills” felt lonely and insecure, with only a few friends and no dating experience.

Finally, at the age of 23, Amin hired a dating coach whom he worked with for around four years. This enabled him to totally transform himself, his relationships and his life.

He’s popular, makes friends easily, has been on over 40 first dates, enjoyed sex and fallen in love. Now the Dating Coach on Wheels, image consultant and motivational speaker is returning the favour.


  1. You became a wheelchair-user at the tough age of fifteen. How did this affect your sense of self and your personal relationships?

I didn’t mind so much at first because I have a huge family and a lot of support. In fact, it was pretty cool because I had this brand new wheelchair and I no longer felt exhausted all the time. Up until that point I could walk a little but I always used elevators and I sort of grabbed hold of the walls and furniture so that I didn’t fall.

But as soon as I started High School I felt different from my peers. I didn’t know anyone else who used a wheelchair, so the fact that I stood-out from the crowd made me really self-conscious. I was lonely, alienated and my relationships became strained because I wanted the impossible: I wanted to get rid of my wheelchair and be the same as everyone else. But of course, that could never happen.

I did have a few school friends but I never had a girlfriend, and was left out of all the usual teen dating etiquette. No girl ever wrote on my locker.

I felt unattractive and thought I had nothing to offer a girl, so I shut myself down. If ever a member of my family asked why I wasn’t dating, I would use the excuse that I was too busy for all that.

  1. Where did you get the idea to seek assistance from a dating coach, and why did you choose that route?

I had tried online dating – the likes of ‘OK Cupid’ and ‘Plenty of Fish’. I was really thorough with my research and looked up what I should and shouldn’t be doing. I was enthusiastic and did everything right according to my research. I was, on paper, a catch. Or so I thought. I was a grade-A student, a high-achiever academically, I had a great job at Microsoft. But it just wasn’t working out for me and that made me feel hopeless. I think my downfall was the fact that I tried to hide my disability from my online dating profiles. I never showed pictures of my wheelchair and never mentioned it. I basically listed my achievements but failed to inject any personality or humour. Had I done this I think I would have been met with a more emotional response. Any response.

I look back now and cringe, but there’s nothing wrong with that. Ultimately it led me to search online forums which is where I found the guy who would become my dating coach. I was 23 at the time and he was doing a workshop called, “Conversation Secrets”. It was then that I decided to get his advice.

Amin Lakhani before
  1. You say a turning point for you was being told, by your dating coach, that you will never blend in but that’s okay; rather you should make yourself stand-out from the crowd. Why did this realisation have such an impact on you, and why do you feel disabled people should aim to stand-out rather than fit in?

Yeah, that really did make an impression on me. I learnt that if you don’t like something you should change it. And, if you can’t change it, you should change your opinion of it. It’s true, disabled people are memorable because of their disability. It does make us stand out. But that isn’t a negative thing.

I do think disabled people should embrace their individuality and dress to grab positive attention. People are going to look at you anyway. By nature, humans are curious and we all check each other out – disabled or not. So, make people look at you and remember you for the right reasons. Make them remember your outfit or your style. If you put the effort into your self-image, you look good and feel good about yourself, people wont pity or feel sorry for you because they wont be focused on your disability.

I also learnt, from my dating coach, that being in a wheelchair gives me free rein to talk to any girl in the world. No one is going to slap, punch or snub a guy in a wheelchair, right? So effectively, I could approach any girl I like and just start talking because even if she’s with a guy, he’s unlikely to feel threatened by me. It’s all good practice!

  1. You clearly pay a great deal of attention to your appearance – the signature bow tie, a pop of colour and an overall minimalist, classy aesthetic. How did you develop your personal sense of style and why do you feel this is so important?

I believe you attract what you project. So, if you want to attract a punky type of person, it’s probably a good idea to shape your image around that look. I now look completely different from how I used to. I changed how I dress and style myself according to the type of girls I’m attracted to. We all need to embrace our individuality, consider what we wear and how we wear it. If we don’t feel good about our own appearance, it affects our confidence.

Amin Lakhani now
  1. Much emphasis is placed on sex, and for some disabled people this can be a cause for concern. How then would you coach someone whose disability prevents them from participating in the physical act of sex?

Okay, first of all, sex isn’t everything, it’s just a small part of what a relationship is. It’s more important to talk, flirt, connect and feel comfortable in each others company.

With regards to sex itself, I have clients explain their difficulties, circumstances and challenges to me. It’s all about individuality. Every disability is different therefore it’s important to consider everyone’s specific situation.

I have two main points:

Firstly, I ask what the client wants. Do they want someone to support them to participate in sex? Or do they want their partner to support them in the act? Either way, it’s essential to do your research and maybe find out from others with the same physical limitations how they approach sex.

Secondly, you’ve got to make it sound fun and exciting for your partner. Tell them what you want in a flirtatious way and make it sound hot and kinky rather than practical. Remember, you’re giving a gift to this person – to your partner. It’s a hugely intimate thing you’re asking and you’re entrusting your body to them.

  1. You have talked candidly about sex and your own personal experiences. Why do you feel it is important to share this in order to help others?

Yeah I think it’s helpful for me to talk about my own experiences with my clients. It enables us to relate to each other. I’ve been through the same struggles myself and so I can identify in a way that an able-bodied dating coach couldn’t.

I offer advice that is sometimes unconventional. For example, I tell people it’s okay to feel like shit when you get rejected or things don’t go to plan. But you’ve then got to keep going, get out there and try again. All experience is beneficial.

  1. It’s fair to say your target demographic is men. Why is this? Do you think men struggle more than women with confidence and making themselves attractive to others?

Obviously as a guy myself, I can relate more to men, although I have had more female clients recently. I have a wealth of dating and relationship experience that allows me to relate and identify with male clients especially.

There is definitely a gap for guys. They just don’t know how to get in the drivers seat. Women want them to take control but in order to get their guy to that place, they themselves have to take control. So a lot of the time I’m trying to help guys take charge.

  1. Can you please explain your working methods to Disability Horizons readers?

As a dating coach I help people build their skills to make themselves more attractive to others. It’s not just about sex and dating, but also forming meaningful relationships and friendships, too.

For the most part I communicate with clients through video calls and we also Email in between. The length of time I spend with a client depends very much on what they want me to help with, and how hard they are willing to work to achieve their goal. I spent up to a year working with one particular guy who is actually able-bodied. He was incredibly reserved in social settings due to a lack of self confidence, and was looking for more than just a few pointers.

  1. What is the one question you are asked most frequently, and what advice do you give in response?

Men want to know how to ask a girl out and how they can tell if she likes him. I tell them there’s no way to really know for sure if a girl likes you back. You’ve just got to rip off the band aid and go for it.

Women mostly ask how to find a guy who’s interested in more than just sex. My response is to learn to say no! Take your time and make a guy work for it. Don’t give it up on the first date as it leaves a bad impression. Inevitably the guy would assume you give it up to all guys just as easily, and that’s not what men want ultimately. We love the chase and value what we’ve worked hard for.

  1. What are your top dating tips for those who are particularly nervous or lacking in confidence?

It’s okay and totally natural to be nervous. I still get nervous going on a date for the first time. It takes courage and courage leads to nervousness; everyone feels it. You’ve just got to do it. No matter what, you have to try. We all have to go through awkward stages and you will probably look back and cringe at yourself and your failed dates – I know I have. But again, that’s okay.

I also recommend bringing up your disability early on, but in a humorous way. Don’t try to hide it, but at the same time, don’t disclose everything in great detail. You don’t need to be 100% emotionally okay with your own disability. We’re all a little insecure about something. Just put your best foot/wheel forward so you can find the people who prioritise things other than their partners physical abilities. These people are a rare breed, so it will take work (and inevitable heartbreak) to find them.

In terms of date conversation: Pauses, I think, are actually a good, powerful thing. They can be sexual and flirtatious, allowing you to lock eyes and check each other out. I am consciously quiet for extended periods when I go on a date. During these pauses I look my date up and down and make it known that I’m checking her out. This lets her know I like her and will probably make her giggle and flirt in return.

Remember not to talk too much and don’t attempt to fill the silences. It can be exhausting as it’s impossible to process all that verbal information quickly.

Do ask questions, but not just typical introductory questions. Become interested in your date and respond to their answers. If they answer a question very briefly, realise that perhaps they don’t want to talk about that particular topic. Dig deeper into what they do want to talk about and tap into their interests.

  1. Do you think there’s a limit to who you’re able to coach, and have you found any of your clients to be especially challenging?

Oh yeah absolutely. It’s all about motivation. If a client isn’t motivated or willing to do what it takes and work hard for it, they won’t get results. At the end of the day, they need to trust me and do what I tell them, no questions asked. I can’t do the hard work for them.

  1. Where do you see your career taking you and what more do you hope to achieve?

I’m kind of happy where I am right now. I really just want to help more people.

I enjoy writing but mostly I love making videos, talking and being myself on camera. So, ideally I’d like to be more active on Youtube. There’s something about being recorded that’s more effective than someone reading something I have written. In a video, you’re hearing my voice, seeing my mannerisms and humour. You’re receiving the information exactly how I want you to. You just don’t get that through writing.

I feel like I was born to do the work I do. All of my personal struggles have been for a reason. I now have a sense of purpose and can make an impact in a way that I couldn’t if I were able-bodied. In that way, my disability is beneficial.


I’d like to thank Amin for taking the time to talk with me.

Please do connect with the Dating Coach on Wheels on social media:

Website

Youtube

Instagram

Twitter

Facebook


*This article can also be found on the Disability Horizons website.

The winter edit: Part 2

5 tips to stay well through winter

The dark nights are drawing in and the weather is turning increasingly colder. The harshness of winter fills many disabled people, myself included, with dread. So how can we best prepare ourselves for the months ahead?

We are 80% more likely to catch a cold during winter. Bearing that in mind, here are my top tips to stay well and defend yourself against those nasty winter viruses.

Click here to check out ‘Part 1’, in which I offer my tips to keep warm.


1. Stock up on supplies:
Medication –


• It’s always advisable to keep a stock of essential supplies in your home. Several factors, including adverse weather, can prevent you from getting hold of medicines at short notice.
• All my medications are on repeat prescription so that I don’t have the bother of getting hold of a GP every time I need something.
• As someone with Ullrich congenital muscular dystrophy, a common cold for me can develop scarily quickly, and so I ensure there’s always a reserve of antibiotics at home should I need them.
• It’s important to go and get your Flu jab annually and, where relevant, the pneumonia vaccination. Don’t leave it too late to protect yourself from influenza – it takes two weeks from the time you’re injected for your body to build up an immunity.

Contacts –

• It’s good practice to have a List of contacts in case of an emergency. Include medical professionals (e.g. doctors, consultants, physiotherapists and hospital ward/department direct lines) so that you or your next if kin can contact them quickly should you become ill. Keep your list somewhere easy to find, such as on the fridge, and make copies!

2. Nutrition:

• I choose to take supplements including a daily multivitamin and probiotics, in order to boost my immunity. Supplements come in various forms: tablet, capsule, liquid and powder. So if you struggle to swallow pills, there’s always another option out there for you.
• I’m not a fan of water so I drink a lot of herbal teas, such as lemon and ginger, to keep me hydrated and flush out toxins. Both ingredients are naturally antibacterial while ginger also helps ease migraines, inflammation and nausea (the latter being a common side effect of antibiotics). Add some honey for sweetness and to soothe a sore throat.

• I find smoothies and soups are an easy way to get your recommended allowance of vitamins and minerals. It’s really important to eat healthily to aid your bodies defence against all those coughs and colds circulating throughout the winter months. Remember: you are what you eat!

Top foods: lemon, ginger, garlic, onion, kale, cinnamon, turmeric, honey, apple cider vinegar, grapes, natural yoghurt and chicken soup.

3. Cleanliness:

• I keep a little bottle of antibacterial hand gel in my bag (you can buy them really cheaply from most shops nowadays). I use it particularly when out and about or using public transport. It’s a simple way to prevent the spread of germs from surface to surface and person to person.
• It’s stating the obvious but do wash hands with soapy water and maintain clean surfaces within the home. It’s often difficult to prevent all members of a household becoming ill when one gets sick. But simple precautions such as this could make all the difference.
• Grab yourself a few packets of antibacterial wipes and remember to clean phones, remote controls, computer keyboards and door handles regularly. You’d be amazed how much bacteria harbours there.
• Be considerate and try to cough and sneeze into a tissue rather than the air. It’s a good idea to keep plenty of tissues in stock. Please don’t do what my Dad does and carry a snotty cotton handkerchief around with you all day – bleurgh!
• Finally, don’t forget to replace your toothbrush after you have fully recovered from an illness.

4. Physiotherapy:

• It’s beneficial to stay as active as physically possible, particularly throughout winter as immobility makes us more vulnerable to infection.
• I am completely non-ambulant and so this is a major issue for me. Immobility results in muscle decline and poor circulation, which in itself leads to further complications.
• Although I cannot exercise in a conventional fashion, I basically wriggle and move about as much as I can. For example, I flex my feet & wiggle my toes, lean back and forth and side to side in my chair. Don’t be afraid to put some music on, loosen up and just MOVE however you can, for as long as you can.
• If you are able, go swimming as this is the best exercise for those with physical disabilities.
• Remember to pay attention to your lungs! Deep breathing exercises are an essential daily requirement for me. Following the Active Cycle of Breathing Techniques (ACBT) helps to keep me as strong as I can be.

5. Avoid germs:

• I am particularly susceptible to respiratory viruses. If I go anywhere near someone with a cold, 9/10 I will catch it. As a common cold for me can quickly progress into a much more serious condition, I do my best to limit exposure to infected people.
• I avoid overcrowded spaces and public transport when I’m feeling run-down, whilst taking and shortly after a course of antibiotics as this is when my defences are the lowest.
• At times when coughs/colds are prevalent within the local community, I try to stay away from enclosed public places e.g. trains, buses, cinema, supermarket/stores, pubs, clubs etc.
• If you must go out, remain in the fresh, open air (but wrap up warm).
• I always wear a scarf when out and about. When necessary, I can use it almost like a mask, pulling it up over my face. This prevents me from inhaling and contracting airborne viruses.
• Why not add a few drops of Olbas Oil (eucalyptus) to your scarf. That way, when you do need to pull it up over your nose and mouth, you can breathe in the fresh scent and it won’t feel stuffy.


I really hope this was helpful! If so, please share this blog post so that others can benefit too.

I’d love to hear from you – what do you do to stay well throughout winter?

Halloween… 🎃🕸🍁👻🔥

With less than a fortnight until All Hallows’ Eve, here I bring you a few book and movie suggestions to get you in the spirit (you see what I did there – spirit!? Oh, never mind…)

*To check out my top picks from last year, click here.*

Film recommendation: 

IT: Chapter One (2017) Dir. Andy Muschietti

IT: Chapter One is definitely my movie choice this Halloween. If you haven’t already seen it, why not check out a late night screening at your local cinema?

I went to see it with my two older brothers and I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting much from this remake based on the novel by Stephen King. But, in my opinion, it’s well made and the casting is spot on. There’s just the right mix of thrills, fright, gore and even humour.

I’m not a fan of horror films in general, simply because I’ve never found one that has scared me. I must say though, this one impressed me!


Family film: 

Hotel Transylvania (2012) Dir. Genndy Tartakovsky

This animated fantasy film, along with it’s sequel, will entertain younger kids and grown-ups alike. Fast-paced and fun-filled, there’s plenty to keep a younger audience engaged, while quirky gags and more mature references will amuse adults.

Hotel Transylvania is essentially about family and the universal theme of a parent reluctantly letting go of their grown child.

Count Dracula, voiced by Adam Sandler, is throwing a 118th birthday party at his hotel, for daughter Mavis. The hotel is a place where monsters can gather and feel safe from the threat of humans, whom they fear. But, trouble starts when 21 year-old Jonathan (Andy Samberg) loses his way and finds himself at what he thinks is an extravagant fancy-dress party. Jonathan, a human, soon locks eyes with vampire Mavis – the only child of Count Dracula – and the pair fall in love.

The story is predictable, but it’s aimed at children and so this is to be expected. However, if you’re looking for a film to occupy the whole family this Halloween, I would recommend this one!


Recommended reading:

Dracula by Bram Stoker

Following on from Hotel Transylvania, it seems appropriate that I select Dracula, written in 1897, as my top pick – though obviously this one is not for the kids!

A gothic horror, the novel is written in epistolary format (a series of documents) and tells the story of Dracula who travels from Transylvania to England in order to feast on fresh blood and spread the undead curse.

He boards a Russian ship, the Demeter, which reaches the northeast shores of Whitby, (where I recently visited).

While there, Dracula becomes obsessed with a young woman named Lucy and begins to stalk her. Lucy soon begins to waste away and is diagnosed with acute blood-loss, though Dr Abraham Van Helsing cannot understand how or why. Eventually Lucy dies, but not before Van Helsing identifies the puncture wounds on her neck. Failing to prevent her from converting into a vampire, he along with three other men, kills her by staking her heart and beheading her.

A team of vampire hunters, led by Van Helsing, then pursure Dracula himself, which leads them to London. In retaliation, Dracula places a curse on Mina, the wife of one of his pursuers.

Through hypnotising Mina, the group are able to track Dracula, who has returned to his castle in Transylvania…

The Signalman by Charles Dickens

If you’re looking for a quick read, this classic short story is the perfect choice. A haunting and spooky tale, it will stay with you long after reaching the shocking conclusion.

Written in 1866, it tells the tale of a railway signalman, troubled by phantom appearances and supernatural goings-on. Over two nights, the signalman meets with the narrator, whom he invites into his gloomy cabin to share his worries and premonitions.

At first reluctant to tell his story, the signalman soon confides that these ghostly visions precede tragic and fatal events on the line. The first being a collision of two trains in the dark tunnel involving many casualties. The second incident saw a young woman lose her life on a passing train.

Convinced these premonitions are all a figment of his imagination, the narrator urges the signalman to see a doctor. However, it may already be too late…


I hope you all enjoy Halloween, whatever you get up to!

If you enjoyed this post, please let me know in the comments below, and don’t forget to share ~ Thank you!

1 Year Old Today! | Blogiversary

It’s now been one year since my blog, Life on the Slow Lane, was created. I finally bit the bullet on 5th October, with my first (proper!) post going live on 11th October.

As you can see from that first shabby entry, back then I lacked a specific objective. I just wanted to get going after contemplating blogging for many months prior.

Over time I have (I hope) managed to focus the aims and purpose of my blog.

I now concentrate primarily on disability issues, specifically those relating to muscular dystrophy. Here I share my thoughts and experiences, having lived my entire life with Ullrich congenital muscular dystrophy.


Blogging opportunities

Over the past twelve months, I have been extremely fortunate to write for other notable publications including Muscular Dystrophy Trailblazers, Disability Horizons and Limitless Travel.

Life on the Slow Lane has enabled me to interact with many other disability bloggers. The amazing Simply Emma generously invited me to guest-blog for her, which I did in May and July. Then more recently I collaborated with the lovely Gemma over at Wheelescapades.


My blogging highlight of the year

A particular highlight for me was the overwhelming response I received for the piece I wrote about my life with UCMD. The fact that it is an especially personal and exposing piece makes the positive feedback all the more touching. To date, this, my most popular blog-post has been viewed over 11,700 times.


Final thoughts

Admittedly, it’s been challenging and time-consuming. I have so many thoughts and ideas, yet not enough time to execute them all.

I often feel like I’m playing catch-up, mistakenly comparing myself to other much more established disability bloggers.

I’m not a big fan of computers and otherwise avoid them if at all possible. Initially, I had no clue how to even set up a blog, let alone edit and customise one.

I realise many of my peers are adept with design software, graphics and managing websites. But I’m just not. Computers are in no way of any interest to me. I’m old school! So this, along with social media, is something I have had to familiarise myself with.


Blogging goals for the next year

• Continue to upload regular posts
• Reach a wider audience and increase my readership
• Raise awareness of Ullrich congenital muscular dystrophy
• Meet other like-minded disability bloggers


Thanks to you

I’d like to thank each and every person out there who has read any of my articles. I truly appreciate your feedback and support!

As long as Life on the Slow Lane attracts an audience, however small, I will continue to write.

A Welcome New Arrival 🍼

Hi folks! How is your September so far? Mine has been pretty amazing for one very important reason.

At the end of August, my big bro and his wife welcomed their first child – a bosting baby boy! This makes me an incredibly proud and immensely excited auntie.

Here I shall refer to him aptly as Mr Squidge. But don’t worry guys, the new parents have gone with a nice traditional name that’ll see him through school unscathed.

Mr Squidge is, thankfully, a healthy, happy and content little bundle. He is a super cool character – by far the most chilled out baby I have ever known.

When he’s not closely examining ceiling lights (which are hugely fascinating!) or contemplating life’s many mysteries, Mr Squidge enjoys milky time, sleepy time and lots of poopy time!

A particular highlight was when he casually peed on his granddad’s lap! Well, when you’ve got to go…

Squidge is now three weeks old and it’s amazing to see how much he has developed already. His baby blues are wide open and ever inquisitive, and he is determinedly trying to hold his own head up.

Today, my mom and I spent all afternoon with him at our house. His Mama was here too of course. He’s not quite advanced enough to drive himself over. Not yet anyway.

While I was holding him, he spent quite some time studying, and trying to grab my face, no doubt giving me the once over. Can’t blame the kid really. I’d be suspicious of me, too.

We’re a small family, fortunate to live in close proximity. Being only a 10 minute drive away from my new baby nephew means that I can see him often and be a hands-on auntie (or as hands-on as my disability will allow).

I can’t wait to watch him grow, to comfort him, read to him, get messy at meal times, to blow bubbles, paint, draw and play with Play-Doh! Come on, who doesn’t love Play-Doh?!

But equally I’m reluctant to wish away the time and fast-forward his life. Every day is so precious and so cherished. …Too gushy??

Anyone who knows me personally will tell you how much I love kids. Give me a gaggle of kids over a room full of adults any day. The play, the silliness, the cuddles; the unpredictability and informality – what’s not to love?

So, suffice to say I am on cloud nine right now. If you read my recent life update, you will know that things have been somewhat stressful of late. But, the squidgey new addition to our family has truly mitigated all other worries.

Getting to know… Wheelescapades | 20 Questions

One thing I love about being a disability blogger is the fact that I am able to interact with other like-minded bloggers.

I recently got chatting with the lovely Gemma over at Wheelescapades. We quickly realised we have a fair bit in common: we’ve both studied art, we have a mutual love for all things Disney, and we both have muscular dystrophy, albeit different forms.

So, we thought it would be fun to collaborate on a blog post. To learn even more about each other, we decided to ask 20 juicy questions. You can find my answers to Gemma’s questions over at her blog!


Here are her answers to my 20 questions…

1. What is your biggest ambition in life?

I wouldn’t say I’m the ambitious type. There’s lots of things I’d like to see and do as you’ll find out throughout my answers. But when it comes down to it I’d just like to be content and happy. For my friends and family to be too. It’s the simple things that make life.

2. What is your dream job?

I love anything arty and creative. I’m too indecisive to give you one dream job title, but I’d like to be in an atmosphere where I am surrounded by creativity. I enjoy making things, drawing, textiles and I’m going to say I would like to work in theatre design, costumes and props.

3. What do you most regret?

I don’t think I have any major regrets. That’s no way to live.

I do often regret not ordering dessert when I’m out with friends and theirs arrives leaving me sugar craved.

4. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?

Although there are so many places I’d love to visit, I think I’m perfectly happy living where I am. I love England, it’s history, its heritage, the traditions, and yes the weather! I know it’s something everyone moans about, I’m guilty of that too. I know it can be unpredictable and awfully grey at times, but I like the differing atmospheres. We are lucky enough to get sun, snow and thunderstorms, but nothing too extreme or scary.

On a smaller scale I like the area I live in, Norfolk. I’m in a small town, not far from the city, the sea and the countryside. Norwich is a diverse city of art, architecture and music. I can also easily get to London.

5. Dream dinner party guests: if you could invite any 5 people, alive or dead, who would you choose and why?

Alexander McQueen, Tim Burton, Andy Warhol, Stephen Hawkins, and Banksy. All creative, passionate and intelligent minds that know what they are/were and do their thing with conviction. Need I say more.

6. If you could visit any time period throughout history, when would it be and why?

Well I don’t think wheelchair access is going to be very reliable however far I travel back. As a mega Downton Abbey fan I’d love to dress 20’s style and attend one of Lady Mary’s Luncheons.

I’d also love to go back and spy on myself as a child, my Mum as a child or my grandparents.

7. If a genie were to grant you any 3 wishes, what would you wish for?

This is the one I’ve been struggling with (I take these questions seriously!). Do I go for the big things: world peace, a cure for SMA, an end to poverty?? Or the smaller stuff like a fully accessible luxurious house, enough money to help friends and family, to have a talent that can make me a living?? Basically it depends how good this genie is and what the rules are. There are always rules and consequences to these things! Maybe I shouldn’t rub the lamp…

8. What is your ideal holiday?

My dream is to visit Florence, Italy. The complications, discomfort and fear of losing or breaking my wheelchair has meant that I haven’t flown since I was a child.

I’m not a ‘by the pool girl’, although I do love a spa! My ideal holiday would involve seeing the sights, being around the locals, visiting little cafes, museums and galleries, plus a wheel along a river and cocktails on a roof – With warm but not sweltering weather. Don’t ask me where this destination is, although I’m open to suggestions.

9. If you were Prime Minister for one day, what would you do?

Cancel Brexit. Can I say that? Shouldn’t we have learned by 2017 a united world is a better world.

I think I might need longer than a day!

10. Who or what inspires you most in life?

I can be inspired by the simplest things. I wouldn’t say that one event or person has inspired me to be something. It can be a book I’ve read, a chat with a friend or a film I’ve seen. All these things can inspire thoughts, make me want to be a certain way or do a certain thing. In fact, I am often inspired just people watching. Seeing how people react can trigger a thought or idea.

11. Could you please share 3 interesting facts about yourself?

  • I won first prize in a national textile design competition. My prize was to visit Première Vision in Paris.
  • I eat almost everything with a fork, including Wotsits.
  • I haven’t seen my natural hair colour since I was 16. I’ve had almost every colour, including blue and red at the same time. I’m now 32.

12. How would you describe yourself in 3 words?

Persistent, sarcastic, tea-drinker.

13. If you could spend one day in someone else’s shoes, who would it be and why?

Can I say my cat even though they don’t wear shoes?

I’d lay around on the windowsill, worry free, watching the day go by. Maybe take a little nap and have some chewy treats. Get “cooed” and massaged on the head if I’m good.

14. What is your biggest fear?

Spiders! I really do hate them. And unfortunately most of my PA’s do too. I didn’t think of that question when I interviewed did I?! – Job title ‘spider catcher’!

Umm on a more serious note… everyone’s fear: losing family and friends.

Disability-wise: losing strength, the independence I have and communication.

15. What annoys you most?

Although you haven’t read question 18 yet, you can refer to it here.

I think moaners annoy me the most (yes I know I moan too, we all do). You know those people that make a big deal of nothing. I know everybody is different, we all have our issues and our weaknesses. But people, stop sweating the small stuff and appreciate what you’ve got. Enjoy the washing up! Appreciate the walk to the shop for milk to make yourself a brew. Yes you’ll get colds, and they are irritating, but the likelihood is you’ll be over it in a few days.

16. What makes you happy?

Being around friends and family, my cats, a day in the sunshine and drinking tea. Netflix days, ache-free days, a facial at the spa, a good book, Seeing the end result of my craft project, festivals and the outdoors too!

17. If your life was a novel, what would the title be?

‘Wheelescapades’ – the title of my blog, as that took me long enough to think up. I’m no good at these things.

18. What is your disability, and what frustrates you most about it?

I have SMA 2 (Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type 2).

I think it’s probably the small things that frustrate me the most. The little day-to-day things that most people take for granted. Yes I’d love to travel the world problem free and have an amazing job without limitations. But it’s not just me, and my disability that doesn’t get that.

What I’d like is to be home alone (with at least 7 cats), make myself a brew, switch on the TV, do all the crafting I want and get up for a wee when required! I’d love to fall into bed exhausted (without connecting my feed and breathing machine), sleep comfortably and uninterrupted and meet a friend for breakfast at the drop of a hat. I’d even be up for doing the washing up!

Also I’d quite like to just have a cold without wondering if/when it will put me in hospital.

19. In theory, if a magical cure were available, would you want it or not?

Okay, I know I’m probably supposed to say no here, as someone who is trying to change people’s perception of disability, blah blah… But yes, I would take that cure. I wouldn’t change my past life for anything. If I could keep the knowledge I have, the friends and family I’ve got and the experiences I’ve been through, then yes, give me that cure!

20. Why did you become a blogger?

I get into some awkward, funny and difficult situations mainly due to my disability. I also get different experiences and treatment with/from people because I am a wheelchair user. My friends and I would always joke about this; the good and the bad, as a way of coping I guess. Sometimes you have to laugh or you’ll go crazy. Often saying “if only people could hear us” or “I should write a book of all this drama”. Well I guess blogging is my book of tales.

I also wanted a serious side to the blog. Not many websites give you the gritty details of a venue’s (in)accessibility. Yes, they are starting to declare themselves ‘wheelchair accessible’ or claim to have an ‘accessible toilet’. Bbut accessible can mean so many different things. Just getting through the entrance doesn’t make a venue accessible. I wanted to chart good and bad access and to get people to look at it more.


I’d like to thank Gemma aka Wheelescapades for taking the time to answer my questions, and for being so candid!

I’d also love to hear from you! How would you answer my 20 questions?? Please leave a comment.


To keep up to date with Gemma, go and check out her blog and connect with her on social media.

https://wheelescapades.com/

https://twitter.com/gemmaorton

https://www.instagram.com/wheelescapades/

https://www.facebook.com/wheelescapades/

 

Moving forward | Goodbye 2016, Hello 2017

Hey folks, I hope you’ve all had an amazing Christmas and New Year. If not merry, I hope it was at least peaceful.

I thought I’d start 2017 on a positive note by reflecting on the past year and all the things I’m thankful for. Now I’ll be honest, I’m not a naturally optimistic person. I can be a right grumpy bint at times. But I’m trying to, as they say; look on the bright side of life. After all, negativity only leads to bitterness and however wronged you may feel at times, believe me life is far too short for bitterness.

2016 has been a fairly uneventful year for me. There have been ups and downs but for the most part it’s been significantly better than previous years. It’s the little, seemingly insignificant things that I’m most grateful for.

To put it bluntly, my twisted body is a bit of a bastard and does not allow me the support I need to function fully. However, it’s dainty and lightweight, making me easy to chuck around, which I am regularly. For this I am fortunate as my petite stature allows greater and easier mobility. Had I followed my 6’4” older brother for height, life would undoubtedly have been far more difficult practically speaking.

Apart from a cold in June just before my week-long holiday to Spain, I haven’t been worryingly ill since summer 2015. During that period I spent over 8 weeks sat in an armchair in the living room, unable to go to bed or lie down due to a severe chest infection and subsequent pleurisy. I was a mess! From the beginning of May to the end of July I didn’t leave the house once, except for a trip to the hospital for tests. But let’s not dwell on that upsetting and difficult time…

The trip to Salou in Spain, was a much needed retreat from the monotony of everyday life. I holidayed with my parents, which obviously isn’t the dream, but fortunately we have a great relationship and so we muddled along nicely. It’s rare that I travel since I find it so difficult with the severity of my disability; therefore the sun, sea and sand was all the more appreciated.

Although we have our inevitable squabbles, my family are the best I could wish for. However, through talking with others in a similar position, I’m increasingly aware of those with disabilities who do not have the support of relatives. Consequently, they may feel lonely, isolated and unloved. Without family members to rely on, they are dependent on paid assistants to provide their personal care. Though I do employ two PAs myself, my parents remain for now at least my primary caregivers. A small, tight-knit family, we laugh a lot and perhaps most importantly we are comfortable in each other’s company. It’s only when I consider how different life could have been had I been born to different parents, that I realise just how lucky I am.

In spring 2016 I hired a new PA after my carer of eight years had to leave for personal reasons. As many of you will empathise, the recruitment process can be a stressful one. Adapting to yet another stranger providing your personal care is uncomfortable and unnatural but thankfully for me this particular transition was relatively trouble free. I won’t lie, it took a while to adjust and establish a new routine that worked for us both, but we get on well and she fits into our household effortlessly.

On the topic of family, ours would not be complete without our aging black Labrador, Millie. I have never known life without a pet. At one point we had four dogs and two cats living with us. Yes it was a little chaotic at times but always the best kind of chaos. I wouldn’t have changed it for the world.

Millie turned thirteen on Friday 30th December and is now depicting all the signs of senescence. Currently our only pet, she has been with us from birth since her mother, a golden Labrador, also lived with us. A great comfort especially in times of distress and frustration, I will be distraught when we do lose her. I’m therefore extremely thankful that she is still with us, as she is an invaluable source of company and happiness.

Finally, I’d like to acknowledge my blog. It’s a relatively new venture, having only begun in October. But to my surprise and delight, I’m already reaping so many rewards. I have been introduced to people from all over the world who empathise with my thoughts, feelings and experiences regarding life with muscular dystrophy. I have also received positive feedback from complete strangers which has thoroughly boosted my confidence and determination.

I’ll admit I was at first somewhat reluctant to attempt blogging and spent several months debating whether I should. It was only the persistent encouragement from friends that convinced me to finally give it a go. And so it is to all my friends, both old and new, that I owe my final thanks of the year. I hope these alliances will continue to strengthen throughout 2017 and that I may meet more likeminded individuals. Here’s to the New Year…

The winter edit: Part 1

5 tips to keep warm this winter

Winter is well and truly here and so too is the frosty weather. British winters can be long, dark and unforgiving.

To help you make the most of the season ahead, I bring you part 1 of my winter edit – advice, tips and tricks to ward off the chill.


1. Chilblains:

Because I am unable to weight bear, I suffer from poor circulation making my feet permanently cold. I have what can only be described as corpse feet – purple and puffy! I have tried all sorts of remedies over the years to treat recurrent chilblains but I’ve found the best to be Gehwol Fusskraft Red cream (available on Amazon). I slather it on generously before putting on a pair of thick woolly socks, and find my feet are subtly but noticeably warmed and chilblains are kept at bay.

  • A good alternative to the Gehwol Fusskraft Red cream is the Pink Peppermint foot lotion by Lush, which works similarly to stimulate circulation. If going out on a cold day I’ll sometimes rub this into my hands to fend off frosty fingers.
  • In terms of footwear, you can’t beat (in my humble opinion) a pair of shearling lined boots *ahem, Ugg dupes* They may not be the height of sophistication, but they do the job and they’re ridiculously comfortable. I can imagine all the guys out there are thinking this is one for the ladies, but there is a good selection of shearling lined winter boots out there for men too.

2. Layering:

We all know it’s best to layer clothing when cold. However, this is not so easy to do when you’re a wheelchair user. Getting dressed at all is a daily battle for me so having to struggle with more than one top fills me with dread. So my advice put simply; if you can layer, do. If like me you can’t, keep reading…

I live in leggings as they’re stretchy and comfortable. You can buy leggings everywhere and anywhere these days but I favour Marks and Spencer heatgen thermals. There are socks, tights, vests, long sleeved tops and of course the leggings I love. Again if you’re able to, I recommend wearing these items under your usual attire for added insulation. But they’re ideal to wear alone too. M&S also feature a men’s thermal underwear range.

A great alternative to M&S is the Uniqlo Heattech range for men, women and children. This extensive selection is it is competitively priced, practical and fashionable. Definitely check this one out!

uniqlo

  • I swear by scarves. They’re so easy to throw around to protect against the winter chill. They come in so many fabrics, sizes, colours and styles. Invest in a thick woollen scarf big enough to wrap around your body like a poncho or use as a blanket over your legs. I sometimes do this if I’m home alone as I can’t manage sleeves myself.
  • Wear a woollen hat when going out in cold weather as heat escapes from our heads.
  • Gloves aren’t just for outdoors. If you suffer from cold hands, try wearing a fingerless pair when indoors which allow you the freedom to continue with your daily tasks. If it’s a particularly frosty day and I need to go out, I will layer woolly gloves over a fingerless pair. You could also purchase some USB heated gloves online.

  • Throughout the coldest months, ensure you use several bed sheets as this traps heat in far better than having one thick blanket. It’s also much easier to turn and reposition yourself with a few thinner cotton sheets over you than one heavy blanket. *I’ve mentioned it before but for those of you who struggle with turning in bed, I highly recommend investing in a satin fitted sheet.

3. Fabric:

When trying to keep warm it’s worth considering where you are and what you’re doing as this will determine which fabrics to opt for.

  • Natural fibres such as wool, cotton and silk are more insulating since they trap heat. So lightweight silky pyjamas will not only keep you snug at night, they will also help you manoeuvre more easily. Cotton is hypoallergenic, breathable and good for layering but not advisable in wet weather as it is also highly absorbent. Wool too absorbs moisture though due to its structure, water cannot enter the interior fibre. Therefore, even when soaking wet the air pockets inside the woollen fibres prevent you from losing heat. 100% wool is best as blends are less insulating.
  • The synthetic fabric polyester is good when out on a windy day. It’s durable, lightweight and can be made to any thickness. A polyester coat or jacket is a must. And why not snuggle up in bed with a polyester fleece mattress topper, available from Amazon.

4. Food:

  • Swap your morning cereal for warming porridge oats. Add a little cinnamon as it stimulates circulation thereby raising body temperature. Cinnamon spice is also full of antioxidants and anti-inflammatory properties which will protect you from winter viruses.

  • Opt for soup over sandwiches. Include iron rich foods, garlic, onions, spices and orange vegetables such as carrots, sweet potato and squash.
  • Whole grains, nuts and nut butters are great insulating snacks.
  • The dark days and cold weather can make us lethargic. Many of us lack the energy to cook after a busy day. So to prepare for the week ahead, make yourself plenty of warming hearty meals like stews, broths, casserole and chilli, then freeze. When you then come home in the evening, all you need do is reheat and enjoy. You’ll be warmed through in no time.
  • Hot drinks are a winter essential. I drink a lot of herbal teas, especially lemon and ginger as these ingredients are great for flushing out the system and warding off coughs and colds. When on a long journey take a flask of hot coffee or tea with you to stay warm and hydrated.

5. Home heating:

It’s important to maintain a warm and consistent temperature in your home throughout the winter. Exposing yourself to extreme and varied temperatures can leave you vulnerable to ill health and infection. Government guidelines advise heating our living rooms to 21C (70F).

Most of us now have central heating which can even be controlled from our mobile phones. My family home is primarily heated by a wood burner which warms the whole house. However, I cannot prepare and light the fire myself due to my disability. I therefore store a fan heater in my bedroom which is simply operated by the flick of a switch. There are many different electric heaters now on the market. Here’s a budget option and a higher end option for you.

You could also pre-heat your bed with an electric blanket or a hot water bottle so that it’s nice and toasty for you to get into at night.

Honourable mentions:

  • Invest in a high tog duvet for frost nights.
  • For a quick fix, blast yourself with the hairdryer for instant heat
  • Heating pads and microwaveable heat pack
  • Reusable hand gel warmers (I have these)
  • Microwaveable slippers/USB foot warmer
  • Check out the complete care shop for a variety of warming aids
  • Enjoy a cosy night in front of the fire with a milky hot chocolate – my favourite is Galaxy or Aero – and a big bowl of homemade cinnamon popcorn!

Armistice Day | Time to remember and reflect…

9/11/2016 a day many would rather forget. 11/11/1918 a day we must never forget.

Today is 11th November 2016, Armistice Day. 98 years since the brave soldiers of the Great War lay down their arms for the last time along the western front. Almost a century past but now and always we will remember and give thanks for their selflessness, heroism and sacrifice.

On the 11th November 1918 the guns fell silent and finally four long years of fighting came to an end. The Armistice of Compiègne led to six more months of negotiations which resulted in the Treaty of Versailles, effectively concluding the First World War. Sadly, conflict continues to rage on around the globe.

Today we should all take time to commemorate servicemen and women past and present. It is our moral duty to show appreciation for all who have fought for our protection, for peace, stability and liberty. Yet this week we have entered a period of unprecedented political turmoil; a time of uncertainty, instability and division.

Of course I’m (begrudgingly) referring to the newly elected Donald Trump. I have debated whether or not to acknowledge his recent victory on my blog since it is such a divisive issue. However, being both female and disabled myself, I feel compelled to comment since he has caused offence to all minority groups throughout his campaign. On a personal note, I find it shocking and unnerving that a bigoted, misogynistic, ableist, racist, xenophobic, ignorant narcissist can acquire such popularity and power.

Although it’s true that Hillary Clinton won the popular vote, Trump is headed to the Whitehouse in January due to the arguably flawed Electoral College system. The fact is Trump achieved marginal wins in several large states meaning that, like it or not, he will be the 45th President of the United States of America. We must now accept and respect the result and come together in an organised and peaceful manner in order to move forward with positive intentions.

Violence and disorder has already broken out in America following the news of Trump’s success. People are wreaking havoc, causing damage and fighting each other in angry desperation. The widespread fear and distress is understandable but nothing positive can be achieved from hostility.

Even in times of war, humanity will prevail and divisions can be broken down. The Christmas truce of 1914 demonstrates how opposing forces put aside their differences, if only temporarily.

On Christmas Eve a ceasefire along the western front saw British and German troops greet each other in no-man’s land to exchange pleasantries, take photos, play football and bury their dead before returning to their trenches.

Armistice Day football match at Dale Barracks between german soldiers and Royal Welsh fusiliers to remember the famous Christmas Day truce between germany and Britain PCH

So on this, Armistice Day, look to the past, learn from the past, and move forward with love, positivity, unity and the best intentions. A decision has been made, Trump will be the President. We can’t and shouldn’t fight this decision. We need to offer support, goodwill and compassion to all. One day at a time.