Disability & Self Worth | You are not unloveable

I think most people living with a chronic illness, disability or mental health issue can relate to this quote, at least to some extent. I know I do.

I am limited by my physical disability (congenital muscular dystrophy), despite the claims by some that you can do anything if you just try hard enough. As a non-ambulatory wheelchair-user with a muscle-wasting condition, I’m afraid there are certain things I cannot do.

I am heavily reliant on others to carry out daily activities such as cooking, cleaning, locking doors, opening and closing windows and so on. I also need help with personal care tasks like getting in and out of bed, dressing and bathing. This can be undignified, thus affecting my confidence and making me feel incredibly self-conscious and utterly undesirable. After all, who wants their boyfriend to shower them?!

I HATE asking people to do things for me, as I then feel a burden, a nuisance, an annoyance. Having to ask people to simply open a bottle or a can at the grand old age of 30 is frankly embarrassing (for me).

Sometimes I refuse to speak up and request help. Call it pride or sheer stubbornness. But there are other times I have no choice. Like it or not, I have to ask, to instruct, to explain.

For the most part, I’ve managed to conceal the extent of my disability from those around me. Many people, friends included, think I am much more able and independent than I actually am. Again, put it down to pride. But there are some people I can’t hide this from. Family members, of course, but also anyone I am romantically involved with.

Due to the nature of my disability and all the added extras – care requirements, dependency, restrictions, the inability to be spontaneous – I always believed myself to be undeserving of love. I genuinely thought *think* of myself as an unnecessary burden. Why would anyone put up with me, my weak, crooked body and all of my baggage when they could choose to be with someone else?

As a result of this and a lifetime of rejection, I put up barriers and distanced myself from society; a form of self preservation. Being told repeatedly that I’m not good enough, I’m “no one’s type”, and “too much to take on” has made quite a negative impression on my self-esteem.

Now, I don’t want to ramble or get too personal. But I am slowly starting to trust and believe I am worthy of love and companionship.

They say there’s someone for everyone. The cynical part of me still questions this. But maybe, just maybe, there is.

It takes an extra special person to accept me and my care needs. To take on, without question, a pretty drastic lifestyle change. To see past the wheelchair, the crooked body, the medical equipment and the disability itself, and simply love me for me, unconditionally. To try to convince me every day that I’m not undesirable, unloveable or a burden. People like this are rare, but they are out there!

Guest Post | Employing Older Workers

Are Employers Doing Enough to Help with the Wellbeing of Older Workers?

The business world is going through a radical change to workforces right now. According to the Office of National Statistics (ONS), one in four workers in the UK is now aged over 50.

Research commissioned by the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) found that from 2011 to 2014, the proportion of workers aged 50 and older rose from 21% to 24%. The same ONS survey estimated that, by 2030, the number of people in the UK aged 65 and older will have increased by 50%, while those aged 20 to 30 would see a 4% decline.

This figure may vary depending on a variety of circumstances including the location, industry, policies and more. One thing’s for sure though; these changes will have far-reaching consequences across society, including the workplace.

With this in mind, it’s even more important to acknowledge and invest in supporting the changing workforce. Organisations are now in competition for the best and most experienced staff.

In this article, we explore what this means for businesses. We identify areas where employers can further support their older workers and offer some tips for ensuring their wellbeing.

Older Workers and Wellbeing

Anyone that’s been in employment in the last five to ten years would no doubt have noticed the increased focus on employee wellbeing. It’s the trending buzzword relating to the health and safety of not only the physical but also the mental health of workers.

To keep your workforce happy (and by extension increase productivity), you should consider investing in both physical and mental support.

To achieve this for your older workers, you need to first consider what they need and want in the workplace. Research conducted by CIPD at the Centre for Ageing Better showed that just like younger workers, they’d also like a job that is meaningful, stimulating and sociable.

At the moment, older workers feel less appreciated compared to their younger counterparts. They’d like a job that’s not only flexible but also offers opportunities such as mentoring, training and career progression.

Benefits of Age Diversity

A study by Ageing Better shows employers report greater levels of loyalty, reliability and commitment from their older workers compared with younger colleagues. Their experience in life and in their sector places them in an ideal position to manage themselves and other members of staff.

According to a survey by CIPD, the number one benefit of age diversity in the workplace is knowledge-sharing. They found that 56% of HR decision-makers believe that older workers transfer vital knowledge and skills.

Having a diverse workforce, not only in age but also race, religion and (dis)ability can also help to solve complex work problems. By bringing a mix of ideas, skills, strengths, experiences and backgrounds, you’re ensuring that strengths and weaknesses are balanced.

Finally, because of the estimated increase of over 50 year-olds in the general population in the UK, age diversity in the workplace can help to match the profile of your customers which will, in turn, improve the product or services you offer.

4 Tips for Supporting Older Workers

Be open to flexibility: This is important to workers of all ages. It helps them to create a balance between their work and social life. Specifically, for older workers, it also provides a transition period to retirement. Remember to inform your staff of their right to make flexible working requests.

Mentoring: By allowing your older workers to mentor younger employers, they’re able to pass on their experience, work habits and attitudes towards work.

Training: Some employers are concerned about this investment because they worry that they’re investing in someone who may soon retire. However, it’s worth noting, training these workers means as well as keeping their skills sharp, they’ll be more employable.

Employee Assistance Programmes: As well as retirement benefits, you should also be supporting them while they’re still at your company. Offering employee assistance programmes gives workers access to support that’ll help them deal with personal problems that might impact their work performance or their health and wellbeing.

On top of all this, you should also be conducting regular one-to-one meetings to review their performance, offer feedback and keep on top of any issues.


My thanks to David Price from Health Assured for providing this guest post.

The Kindness of Strangers | Wheelchair Life ♿

I was out shopping yesterday in my Quantum 600 powered wheelchair. While the many other shoppers bustled past without a second thought, one considerate old lady stopped to ask if I needed her help to reach anything.

As fellow wheelchair-users will know, shopping can be frustrating for various reasons. Not only are we grappling with the general public (the pushing, shoving and impatience), and trying to navigate narrow aisles without running over any toes; we are also bum height! 😣

Not only that – reaching anything above or below torso level is a challenge, particularly with elbow contractures and poor grip (as in my case).

With that in mind, those few kind words from one generous old lady truly made my day. It really is the little things in life – the small gestures – that make a big difference. If only everyone was so thoughtful!

I am aware that some disabled individuals may take offence at such an offer, presumably seeing it as a sign of pity – the implication being we (disabled people) cannot manage by ourselves. However, I personally cannot construe it as anything other than sincere concern and consideration for a fellow human being.

We all need help and support every once in a while, regardless of ability or circumstance. Even if you don’t require assistance from others, at least show some gratitude and have the courtesy to decline their offer politely.


#respecttotheoldies ✌💗

#MuscularDystrophy

#WheelchairLife ♿


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